The · Mystic

him: ;)
me: umm hello
him: umm
him: hi
him: lol
me: do i know you
him: no
me: ok
him: you want to get to know me though
him: yes no
me: i guess
him: ha
me: who are you... how did you get my name
him: im good like that
him: you what to hang out
me: i don't even know you
him: lol who cares
me: well i do
me: i am kinda at work
him: its not like its bad to hang out with someone off the net
me: hunny i don't even know your age, and you don't even know where i live
him: 23 i live in U.P
him: you
me: 21 up
him: were you want to hang out at
me: i am at work
me: and i don't even know you
him: wow
him: just like meeting someone in the store
me: not really
him: ok then
me: sorry but i have a kid to worry about
him: doesnt mean you cant still have a good time
me: with someone i don't know...
him: lol
him: i dont understand why people want to wasts the time to chat and chat cause they think its a better way to get to know someone
me: because it's kinda freaky to have some random person im you and say do you wanna meet on line , after all the shit you hear on the news
me: for all you know i could be a little 14 year old
him: lmao
him: ?
him: geez well thats what keeps people from not knowing is getting all freaked out i guess
me: and dont take this the wrong way but for all i know you could be some 45 year old rapist, i don't just randomly meet people off the net
him: thats why you meet in a public place
him: lol
him: well you know the thing is i know you would like me and i belive i would like u but .....
me: i have responsiblities, and a little one that depends on her mommy, and if i did something stupid like that all the time, there would be no mommy for her any more
me: how do you know i would ike to meet you ... i don't even know what you look like
me: who you are
me: nothing
him: can yoiu see myg pics now
me: nope
him: really
me: really
him: look in my profile
me: its one of a stomach soooo...
him: here then ill send them to you
me: there is no face nothing

me: why are you in such a hurry to meet somone off line... that could get you in alot of trouble
him: ?
him: i dont like wasting time
him: i dont like to type honestlyu
me: well then instead of finding people online go out and meet people that way, i hear it works about the same way but it's face to face and guess what you don't have to type that way
him: ok then ill go do that
me: good idea buddy good luck in the out side world
him: yea you too

That was freaking weird...

My grandmother,
A loving Wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother, past on last night at around 10:30pm last night. She will always be loved, missed, and remembered.

I love you Isabell Kresky

When i hear that saying, i think of movies, and stories i have seen on tv. Not real life. Well i had the chance to hear it out of my sisters mouth.

My sister called me at 8:12pm tonight to tell me that my grandma has no longer than 6 months to live. The cancer has gotten so bad it is taking over her lungs. There is no chance of them being able to do kemo or radiation because of how bad it is. My grandpa is taking it alot harder than what my uncle kenny thought he would. My uncle said right now he is too scared to leave my grandpa alone for too long. My grandma is taking it really well and said that she is not scared to die.

I don't know whats harder, knowning that someone is going to die and just waiting for it to happen, or finding out someone passed away with out knowing before hand.

What am i suppose to do, sit back and waite? I can't its going to eat me alive. Ever since i heard the news, i haven't sleeped well, i haven't eaten much, and my stomachs been out of wack. Everytime i think i am going to be able to handle it, i break down and cry.

I have to be strong for my mom, but who is going to be strong for me?

So after watching this cute movie, and wishing i had the balls to do what this little girl did when i was her age, i think i will start now.

I am done with fake friends, fake people. If you are pissing me off, i am going to tell you. I am putting up with someone talking shit about me any more. I am done listening to people being nice to people and then behind their back talk shit... I am 20 now (an adult) GROW UP....

I admit i do it to and i am going to stop. If you are bugging me i am going to let you know. If you are pissing me off, I am going to let you know. If i feel like you are being fake. I am going to let you know. No more smiles and going behind your back and saying complaining, I am going to handle it once and for all. And if you don't like it then FUCK OFF. It is no longer middle school......... high school......... this is the real world. GROW UP... And i am going to start now.......

I am a mother and i need to be a role model to my child and i am going to start now... I am going to grow up and take care of my own problems and not send my pose to do it for me.... Don't take it personally but if i have a problem with you i am going to let you know. And i want the same respect... If you have a problem with me let me know.
Well i am off... Love you all

So alot has happened this weekend. Friday night i went to the Holiday inn with lori and we invited niki and her friend scott. We drank all night and Scott give me a kick ass tatoo. I will post pictures really soon. Since i had to go get the baby at 10:30am Saturday morning, i desided there was no point in sleeping. At around 10 i left the hotel and went to bring my baby sitter to her work and brought the baby back with me to the hotel. She played and jumped around, and i kept tell her becareful or you are going to fall off the bed. Well not even 5 minutes after the last time i told her, she fell..... UGH DAMN KIDS. Well we went back home at around 11:30 so that everybody could get some sleep and i could get home and take a shower and get ready for work. At around 2:30 amiya starts getting really whiny and started telling me that her head hurt. And i didn't know what to do because i had to be to work in an hour. So i brought her to my mom's, My mom looked her over and said she just might be getting the flu, and she would give her some tylenol and keep an eye on her and let me know if anything goes wrong. So i went to work, and at around 9:00 my mom stopped by say the baby was doing really good, and was happy and being her self again. Shortly after i got sent home early so i desided the baby is doing good, i am going to go back to the hotel and chill with everyone for a little bit before i pick amiya up from my moms. Well scott needed a ride home and as soon as i got back we desided to get a crib put in the room and bring the baby back to the hotel with us. It was around 12:30am when i got to my moms. I walked into the house and in the living room is my mom holding my daughter as she is puking into a bowl.....

I freaked out..... I didn't know what to do...
So i brought her to the Emergancy room.

She had a closed head injury.... (concusion) I feel like a horrible parent. She has falled down stairs, off chairs, off couches, ect and nothing ever happened. So when she feel off the bed i didn't really think much of it, she got up and was fine. And now this. We got home from the ER and she was still puking and companing about her head hurting and they said to give her tylenol for pain. When ever i gave it to her she would vomit it back up. I didn't know what to do, she would drink anything and would eat anything and was still puking and i couldn't give her anything for her pain becuase she was vomiting it back up...
So for 7 hours i sat with her and held her praying this would go away...

So it is 12:32 am on Monday morning. I am running on no sleep since friday at 4pm when i was able to take a nap and Amiya is doing alot better. Instead of Tylenol around 8:00 i gave amiya Motrin and she kept it down. She is now drinking water, and she eat a full apple except two pieces she feed me.... :) And now she is sleeping on her little couch peacefully. I am so tired right now but i am way to afraid to fall asleep and wake up to amiya chocking on vomit... So here i sit praying to god she is going to be better..

MY HOUSE IS SPOTLESSSSSSS

But see the funny thing is, when i clean it like this nobody shows up until it get dirty again.... WTF is up with that. lol

Oh well at least i know that i am not a slob. lol

So yeah i did my dishes and took out the garbage.
Scrubed my kitchen floor and everything,
Cleaned the living room from top to bottom,

OH LORD
And the bathroom,
that was a disaster.
I cleaned everything..........
tub,
toilet
sink
glass thing over my toilet
and the floor was awful
but it is all done

YAY ROCKY
So yeah all i have to do is the laundry and i am done and i am working on that right now.

So yeah if anyone wants to stop by and see how good i did i would recommend doing it soon becuase remember i have a child that is in her terrible two's lol.

I am off to do more laundry.

I fucking hate valentines day.
( sorry had to get that out)

Well i have had a rough year. It started off bad and it keeps going. I just wanna say fuck it, move back in to my mom's house and stay in bed, where no one can talk to me, hurt me, or piss me off. I am so sick of everybody's shit. YOU SAY YOU ARE MY FUCKING FRIEND, BUT YOU ONLY USE ME WHEN YOU NEED ME. WHEN I REALLY NEED SOMEONE I JUST GET BLOWN OFF. WELLLL LLLLLLLL FUCK YOU.............................................

I am so funny.....

So yeah i haven't posted in a while so i desided to now.

Been doing really good, but really busy. Working alot now and i am back to school. I am now working on clients. I have had three already. Its weird becuase i have more work to do and i now have to worry about fitting in a client and doing my MPA's, it sucks but i love it so its all good.

Amiya is getting bigger and now talking in sentances so that is cool. She had her two year check up and she is in her 90 percentile for her age. So that good. Umm nothing else has happened. So yeah. Im out to post else where.

So i picked up my check today,and bills are paid and ready to go. I got my stitches out of my toe. It hurt like a mofo. Ugh. I am so excited. Tomarrow i am going to Green Bay with lori and niki. YAY Happy rocky. :)

I just wish once i could sit up for more than 10 minutes with out feeling dizzy and nausous (sp). Ugh..
Other than that i am doing ok. I have been sleeping alot, and only waking up to the phone or someone at my door. lol

I found out earlier yesterday that my sisters grandma passed away, and she is taking it hard and won't talk about it. I feel bad because there is nothing i can do about it. Well i am not feeling the greatest so i am going to lay down and sleep again.

night night

So i am now home, alittle sore. But very happy to be home. So now i am laying on my couch, debating on if i want to get up to put of the the movies i bought at shopko in or not. But am sure i will fall asleep before the debate is over. They have now switched my morphine to anexia 500. Nice huh? lol Well i am going to go. I will post more later. If anyone wants to come visit me or check up on me, give me a call or stop by. I would really like the company.

So i keep waking up, and falling back asleep. One minute i am wide awake and the next minute i can't eve keep my eyes open. UGH. My stomach hurts every time i cough, eat, drink, and move around. :*( <----- crying face. I feel like i am getting a fever, and they keep telling me if i don't keep up my breathing thing and coughing exersices that i am going to get phemonia from them shoving a tube down my throat during surgery. (WELL THANKS FOR TELLING ME NOW, 12 HOURS AFTER SURGERY) Oh well nothing i can do it about it now, but do my exercises when ever i wake up and they wake me up. My first solid in over a day was crackers around 12:00 and it hurt like crazy, and then they gave me some rasberry shurber. MMMMMMM yummy. :) I want more but i feel stupid asking for it. My throat hurts really bad, so maybe i should. Well i am getting sleepy again. I will try to keep updating as much as i can.

love
rocky

So i didn't really post in here about my wonderful adventure but i did in my space. Last night around 12:30 am i found out that i had appendicitice. Sorry i have no clue on how to spell that. Well i was out of surgery at 3:00pm today and doing pretty well. Kinda sleepy and alittle sore but good. Though i did have a really bad panic attack when i got into the recovery room. I had not remember going into the operating room and all of a sudden the pain in my stomach felt alittle different than it use to and i feel like i had to pee really bad. So i got scared and flipped out. But now i am doing fine, All i am trying to do is going out for a smoke. :) Love you all. rocky

My new year is going really well. I think that this year was the first year in forever that i was sober for lol. I Hung out down at the Holiday inn with niki, steve, heather, and mike. Around 11:00 i descided to get a room there for amiya and i. And i go real lucky. I got the room ajoined to niki and steve's room and it only cost me $50.00. I went and picked up one of my friends, and he stayed there with me that night. It was so nice. I had a ton of fun, and was able to just sit and chill for a while with some of my friends. And i think i might have something starting with someone ;). hehehe so excited becuase he is so sweet. happy really happy.

Well i took my meds for my foot about 2 hours ago and the codine is kicking in hard, So my eyes are getting really sore from trying to keep them open. So i think i am going to lay down and rest for awhile. If anyone wants to chill today give me a call, i have the phone nexted to me so i don't have to get up and get it. hehe.
Yeah i know i am lazy.

I hope everyone else had a really good night last night and is starting the new year on a positive attitude.

love you all

It's been awhile since i have written.. I have been busy with work and family. But i have some random ramblings so here we go.

Just a few days ago my mom called me at work for something and before we hung up she told me that Sam from St. Ignace called from me and wanted me to call her back..... This is the girl that i got in a huge fight with that caused Tony and i to break up. *long story*

Just thinking of her or any one from there makes my tummy ache. I don't know i guess i will never be able to get over tony. I always wonder how angelica and him doing. *my little family i wished so hard for and lost out of stupidity* I know that leaving him was for the best becuase i wouldn't be doing what i am doing if i hadn't... But somedays i wonder if i could just take that day away and start over new, what would have happened. Would i have my family i always wanted, or would i have been as unhappy as i was back then, now.

I mean come on now, i am back in school *something i had always wanted to do when i was with him* My daughter is happy, i have my own place, i am near my mother, and things are going well with me. I am finally happy and i finally love who i am and what i am doing. Its just that somethings missing.......

So back to Sam, she wanted me to come to St. Ignace to visit her because she is only up for a week. But i just can't get my self to go back to that town. I have way to many good and bad memories there, I don't think i would be able to relax with out thinking, am i going to run in to him, does he still hate me. ect ect.

Should i leave things be and just keep going with my life, or should i go there and say one last good bye. My stomach just hurts even thinking about it. I thought i was doing just fine then Sam calls me and all of a sudden i start thinking about him..... grrrrrr....

I am so lonely. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate cooking for only me and the baby, and i hate crawling in to bed to nothing but my stuffed dog and blankets. :(